lessons on trust and surrender from a college professor, yogi, and cancer fighter

by Kalyana Champlain

I saw her from the back as I entered through the front door. She was on her bedroom floor with a wooden chair in front of her holding a bottle of glue. As she turned back to greet me she said, "The chair had broken. I'm fixing it so if nothing else I can at least put some stuff on it. Probably books."

It was hardly what you would expect from someone in Stage III colon cancer functioning with a self described "Chemo Brain." It was also far from the incense, chimes and "Om's" that one might envision walking in on a yoga master – or yogi.

But then that wouldn't be Rae Ferguson.

Ferguson is an associate professor of History at the URI. She is also a seasoned yogi who, until recently, was offering classes at All That Matters in Wakefield, a highly regarded yoga and holistic center located near URI and the south coast of Rhode Island. She is on leave from both recovering from surgery "in deep yoga/meditation mode."

Ferguson began practicing yoga at 19 and might tell you, as she did me with a joyful laugh and playful finality, that she is "old now, so that's a long time." Of the many variations, she practices Yoga Nidra, which Richard Miller, the founding president and director of the Center of Timeless Being, describes as "an unmatched way to experience the culmination of the art of yoga, and the deeper physical, emotional, and spiritual rewards that are its promise."

Ferguson is in the process of reaping some of these rewards in her current spiritual journey sparked by her cancer. At Stage III, according to the National Cancer Institute, despite its label Ferguson is, in fact, recovering from the fourth phase of progression; Stage IV is the fifth and final stage and it represents the most progressed symptoms of colon cancer. Yet Ferguson says because of her yoga practice, she remains in high spirits with little instances of pain.

These sentiments were palpable. As we sat on folded blankets overlooking her back yard, welcoming occasional visits from neighborly birds, her joy and appreciation of life suddenly encompassed my soul. I offer you, the reader, excerpts from the wisdom and essence shared by Ferguson during what at times felt like a mystical Saturday afternoon.

Kalyana Champlain (KC): As you know, this edition of She Shines is about women's health and wellness. The first thing I want to ask is what is yoga? I know some will ask, "what is the deal with this? Why is She Shines talking to someone about yoga!"

Rae Ferguson (RF): Well, yoga is much more than the exercise that we think of. The word yoga means union. So yoga is not an exercise you do but a place you go. It is the nexus of the body and mind and spirit, and we all have it. Those moments when your body is tired or lets go and something else is holding you in that pose or you feel complete – that's the yoga moment.

KC: Mmmm. Letting go.

RF: Yes, it's about surrender. Not giving up, but surrounding [ourselves with] that divine spark within us. I think of it as the nexus of all my parts coming together. And when you hit that moment it is indistinguishable from anything you know. And you don't have to practice 50 years to find it.

KC: But you have been doing this for many years. What are you doing right now?

RF: Right now I do meditation and I do Yoga Nidra. It is said that 40 minutes of Yoga Nidra is as good as 4 hours of sleep. The most profound difference [is] not muscles [but] where does it put you in your day? Do you feel a little happier? Are you more settled? Yeah.

KC: Can a yogi and a regular doctor work in conjunction?

RF: Yeah. There is a whole field of yoga therapy that is opening up that is phenomenal. There [have] been studies done with NIH [National Institute of Health]. Yogis have been working in that field for a long time. [But] all yoga teachers are not yogis. For yogis this has become a very real way of life so they live out of the experience of yoga.

[As Ferguson and I converse, we are joined by a few birds who seem drawn to our sister circle.]

RF: Aw, look at all my little finches out there. There's six of ‘em that come and they just play.

KC: They just hang out? I have two cardinals that come visit me.

[Our bird talk continues briefly as we move to what, as a practitioner of Nichiren Buddhism myself, feels more like a conversation between long lost spiritual sisters reconnecting and catching up than a formal interview between writer and subject.]

RF: So where were we?

KC: The holism of being a yogi, not just a yoga teacher.

RF: Oh yeah. It's like everyone was worried that I would be bored in here [during the breaks from URI and All That Matters], and I'm like "This is the opportunity I've been waiting for!"

It is really difficult to explain it because, again, you are explaining something that is an experience [where] the mind does its thing. That's why you sit so it [the mind] can settle. That is why you do asana – yoga exercises – to prepare the mind to sit. And for us, it is hard to sit because our culture is so move-move-move.

KC: What exactly is the "asana"?

RF: Those are the actual poses. Some come to it [yoga] with different physical abilities . . . and often set their relationship to yoga with "how fit they are." It really has to do with how open you are to what you want.

KC: So your advice would be to just be open?

RF: Just go! Ya know? Forget about "I don't know how to do this." When you go take a class are you supposed to know about everything before you go in there? It is in having the experience often enough [of going to the calm place] that you can just go there.

KC: So how is this playing into your everyday life?

RF: I have been sitting in this house for 6 months fighting cancer [and] it's like I've been on my way to this moment for my whole life. Tired is the only thing that I feel.

It is an experience that I'm supposed to have - and the outcome is less important than the journey. It is all about trust and surrender.

To learn about classes on yoga, meditation, and other holistic health services visit www.allthatmatters.com. For information about Colon Cancer, visit www.cancer.gov.

Kalyana Champlain is a writer and spoken word artist as well as a recent graduate of URI - B.A. in communication studies. With a completed thesis entitled Hip Hop is Dead? The Rhetoric of Hip Hop, she'll be pursuing her Masters Degree at URI, in communication studies with a focus in public discourse. To reach her, e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it . photo courtesy of Champlain. photo of Ferguson by Champlain.