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bullying in a modern age
by Kalyana Champlain
When I was young I was bullied: physically, verbally, and emotionally.
This experience helped exacerbate my already harbored feelings of
insecurity and low self worth. I have only touched upon it a few times
in my adult years, but never let it "get too deep." Upon beginning my
interview, I shared a piece of my story with Margaret
Paccione-Dyszlewski, Ph.D., and Steve Barreto, Ph.D., clinical
assistant professors, Department of Psychiatry and Human Behavior,
The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University. At the end of the
interview, Paccione-Dyslewski, also director of training of the
Department of Behavioral Education, Bradley Hospital, thanked me for
breaking the silence. It is my hope that this is what this article will
do for you; whether you have been through it, have someone who is going
through it now, or may go through it in the future - may we begin to
break the silence.
Margaret
Paccione-Dyszlewski, Ph.D., clinical assistant professor, Department of
Psychiatry and Human Behavior, The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown
University is the director of training, Department of Behavioral
Education, Bradley Hospital.
photo courtesy of Bradley Hospital
So how would
you describe "bullying"? Paccione-Dyszlewski: Aggressive behavior that
has intentionality and involves some kind of imbalance of power.
Barreto: Physical or verbal aggression - including spreading rumors
[and] can take the form of threats. Now with cyber-space, Internet,
text messaging, there are [more] opportunities for threats to emerge.
Paccione-Dyszlewski: It is usually called cyber-bullying . . . some
nonverbal, nonphysical, but has a definite presence or there are
several bullies and one victim.
How prevalent is bullying these days? Barreto: Statistics show that
nationally up to 17% of teens are harassed by bullies.
Paccione-Dyszlewski: That is what I have in front of me - average is 15
to 25% so Barreto has it right on the money.
Is there an age that it first emerges or peaks? Barreto: Bullying
becomes more prominent in grade school and extends through high school.
However even in pre-school, children can form groups that exclude other
children. For example, a girl who insists that her playmates can only
be [with] certain other girls in the class. Fortunately in the early
years it is much easier for childcare providers to get directly
involved and instruct children immediately about the best way to make
and keep friends. Also, before grade school children generally have not
developed the complexity in peer relationships that can lead to more
lasting problems in self-esteem. Paccione-Dyszlewski: And there is also
a fair amount of information that shows children with special needs get
targeted more often . . . they are considered easy targets. Barreto:
Right . . . and that is what I was getting at earlier . . . and that is
true for kids younger than second grade . . . and those not necessarily
grouped together. Paccione-Dyszlewski: There's . . . some evidence that
there are some [gender issues], boys are more likely than girls to
bully, and girls report being bullied by both boys and girls - when
boys are most often bullied by boys.
So is all fighting considered bullying? Barreto: Well we would have to
go back to the power imbalance of this . . . It could be a child
significantly older, with social influence, power of numbers . . . age,
ranks, gender. Paccione-Dyszlewski: And on a gender issue, boys are
more likely to be bullied physically by their peers, while girls are
more likely to report that they're targets of rumors and sexual
comments. Girls are also more likely to bully each other in a social
area like social exclusion.
So
when we ask that question what we really need to say is it depends on
the power structure that is taking place? Paccione-Dyszlewski: Yes. I
think that's a fair statement.
Do
we notice a typical pattern with bullies? Paccione-Dyszlewski: There is
the physical and the verbal, but also the emotional. When they are
excluded from a particular group. In middle school and adolescence the
main developmental task is to become independent from caretakers and
move closer to peer groups - if the peer group is not accepting, it can
be particularly painful . . . This stands across the board but is
particularly true for middle school and high school. Do you see the
connection there? The developmental task and the types of bullying that
takes place there - it is not by accident because bullying is centered
on what is most important to the child. Barreto: Bullies are all shapes
and sizes. Bullying behavior can be motivated by insecurity or poor
self-esteem. The bully may be seeking positive attention or status with
their peer group by ridiculing another child. It is also important to
remember that both popular and unpopular kids can bully.
Paccione-Dyszlewski: There is another piece to the element to the
developmental task that we are forgetting . . . comments about sexual
identity is a form of bullying that is pretty prevalent. Kids are
trying to figure out their sexual identity so comments about sexual
identity become very powerful . . . it is particularly hurtful when a
child is trying to figure out their sexual identity. Does that make
sense?
Now do children learn to
bully? Paccione-Dyszlewski: I may make the case that a child had to
experience it somewhere . . . home, peers, television. No infant is
born knowing how to be a bully. Barreto: There are some studies that
similar characteristics are hyperactive, more difficulty concentrating
. . . other than that, no. I think there are a wide variety of types of
people that engage in bullying.
What are some of the warning signs that a child is being bullied?
Paccione-Dyszlewski: Depends on the type of bullying. Barreto: If
physical aggression: torn damaged or missing clothing or belongings,
unexplained injuries. Paccione-Dyszlewski: For emotional kinds . . .
fearful about going to school, getting on the school bus, a downward
change in school performance, mood shifts, and all of the kinds of
trauma - nervousness, loss of appetite, mood swings, headaches . . .
Barreto and I were talking about the difference of the bullying now
compared to when our parents . . . it is more evasive and subtle, and
greater. So if parents respond of letting the kids handle it themselves
it can be very dangerous. Parents need to bond with the school system .
. . create partnerships. Barreto: And at extreme forms - it can become
very dangerous behavior that needs to be acted on quickly.
So the key is in creating these partnerships and climates for kids to
feel safe to talk about it? Paccione-Dyszlewski: Yes and parents also
need places. The same way there is strength in numbers with children,
it is the same with parents. Barreto: The good news is that there are
many more resources available. Paccione-Dyszlewski: If a child has been
a victim of bullying, the way that a child can move from the victim to
the survivor - which is a more empowering place - would be to seek
mental health services. There is a lot of emotional wear and tear on a
child that has been bullied.
What
are these effects and can they last and be true for a person who is now
an adult but were bullied in the past? Paccione-Dyszlewski: Yes.
Children who are bullied are more likely to be depressed, isolated -
bullying has impact on self image and esteem, can cause self loathing
and can have physical manifestation. In some cases the child becomes
suicidal. It depends on the personal characteristics and resiliency of
the child and what else is going on in the child's life.
Other suggestions to help a child being bullied? Barreto: Increase the
child's peer network. Parents can help kids by helping them to develop
groups of friends both in and outside of the school setting . . . to
help them feel secure and more positive about themselves.
Paccione-Dyszlewski: And parents can teach their children how to become
good friends so they have a buddy with them at all times.
Dr. Barreto I know that you have done an extensive amount of work in
this field, is there anything that has stood out for you that people
should be aware of? Barreto: The first thing is to be wary of quick
solutions, there are none - and the second thing is that silence makes
the problem worse . . . Dr. Paccione discussed how kids get anxious . .
. it is here that parents, teachers, and afterschool providers need to
be alert to the signs of bullying . . . and create an environment where
kids are free to talk. Paccione-Dyszlewski: I agree. Silence is the
friend of the bully.
RESOURCES: Mental health services, online such as www.stopbullying.org, libraries, community centers, and the school system.
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