Avery Stone overcomes cold feet to realize her dreams
When I was seven years old, my parents placed me in a youth hockey program at Brown University. The first day, I hated it – my equipment didn’t fit, and I was freezing and miserable. In an effort to convince me to stay, my mom – taking a parenting shortcut that was rare for her – bribed me: if I stayed in youth hockey for the rest of the season, she would give me a trophy. Reluctantly – but excited about my prospects – I agreed.
It is now 14 years later. I am 21 years old, and play on the varsity Women’s Ice Hockey Team at Amherst College, one of the top teams in NCAA Division III.
I am eternally grateful to my mother for bribing me that day. My decision to play ice hockey has shaped who I am – in both positive and complex ways, as I came out as a lesbian my junior year in high school. Even when I’ve been frustrated with myself, my teammates, or a larger athletic culture that demeans LGBT athletes, playing ice hockey has inspired qualities in me that define my identity: directness, drive and fearlessness.
First, because ice hockey is a contact sport (even though girls are technically not allowed to hit one another), confrontation – in the most literal sense – is inevitable. Before I started playing hockey, I was shy and deferential. However, when I got on the ice – a place where I had to physically confront others – my demeanor changed. I will never forget being ten years old at summer camp and having to survive an hour of “checking practice,” in which I would skate through a line of (mostly) boys along the boards and try to stay upright as they hit me. Because of experiences like these, I became more outgoing and willing to confront others in a calm and confident way.
Secondly, playing ice hockey created my work ethic. I am not a born ice hockey player – I am naturally athletic, but skating, stick handling and shooting did not come easily to me. I am also legally blind in one eye and do not have depth perception. Because of this, a sport as fast-paced as ice hockey did not utilize my natural gifts. But, because I loved hockey and wanted to succeed, I spent extra time maximizing certain skills – like my skating – that could compensate for my vision, so I could stay on par with the elite players my age. Today, playing college hockey means so much to me because I know how hard I worked to get there.
Lastly, playing ice hockey has made me unafraid – of competition, of making mistakes, and most importantly, of being myself. I spent the first half of my hockey career hiding my sexuality. Growing up, my Massachusetts club teams were not a welcoming environment to LGBT people, so I retreated firmly into the closet. During this time, it was harder for me to play well – I constantly looked over my shoulder, wondering if I would be the next victim of the homophobic slurs I heard so often in the locker room. When I did come out during my junior year at my boarding school, Phillips Academy Andover, I got lucky. My teammates continued to embrace me, and, if anything, my honesty brought us closer. Although my experiences with being an out LGBT athlete have been mixed since then, coming out into the ice hockey world has made me stronger – even when I struggle, I no longer need to look over my shoulder. I am who I am, and people can take it or leave it.
Today, it saddens me to think that my hockey career will end when I graduate from college. But, looking back, I cannot stress enough how important the sport has been to me. If I hadn’t played ice hockey, would I have continued to be that deferential little girl? Would I have never found the value of working for something I loved? Would I still be hiding who I am? I cannot know for sure. What I do know is that ice hockey forced me to learn about myself in unexpected ways. So, to any girl reading this whose parents are encouraging – or even bribing – you to get out there and try something new: do it. You never know what could happen.
Avery Stone, originally from Providence, is an English Major at Amherst College, and a graduate of Phillips Academy Andover. A junior at Amherst, Stone is a co-head of the College’s LGBT student group, Pride Alliance, and is working to make positive changes on her campus, with a focus on uniting the athletic and LGBT communities. Stone is also a collegiate advisory board member of two LGBT athlete activist organizations, GO! Athletes and the You Can Play Project, and is featured in Jeff Sheng’s photography exhibit comprised of LGBT athletes, “Fearless.” After Amherst, Stone plans to go into journalism – her work has been featured on The Huffington Post, Fortune.com, The Good Men Project and GoLocalProv.com.
Photo courtesy of Jeff Sheng, www.jeffsheng.com. Fearless, a series of portraits of “out” LGBT athletes on high school and college sports teams (2003 – Present)
